Buy The Silent Hustler
by Sean Meriwether
[Lethe Press, 10.2009]

Originally published in Lodestar Quarterly [2003]

Things I Can't Tell My Father

They show old movies after midnight on Channel 5. You keep me awake to watch The Boys in the Band. You know about me before I do. You want me to know the lonely and pathetic life that awaits me, if I make that choice. You want me to change before it’s too late. You tell me, Don’t grow up to be a faggot or a weirdo.

You gave me rebellion.

When you meet my first and only girlfriend you are surprised and elated. You treat her like a future daughter-in-law. You treat her like a possible bed partner. You remind me that if I want to have sex or smoke pot that I should go to your house, so that I’m safe.

You gave me controlled freedom.

When I’m sixteen the world falls apart. I understand too much, too soon. We have nuclear threats, global pollution, corporate crime, industrial waste, starving Ethiopian children. I’m gay. I’m an artist. I am trapped in the middle of nowhere and I have no escape. I try to kill myself, but no one knows. It isn’t a cry for help, it is a whimper of defeat.

You gave me nothing.

Finish reading "Things I Can't Tell My Father" in The Silent Hustler