Buy Lost Library: Gay Fiction Rediscovered
edited by Tom Cardamone
[Haduk Press, 03.2010]

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones was my only gay text, so I returned to it for some answers. I reread it with a fresh perspective. Tom’s life was nearly destroyed by lies, but in his case they were lies; in mine, the only person lying was me. It was Ward who lived in peace with his homosexuality, creating his own world where he could maintain a platonic but intimate relationship with his younger friend. Ward Alexander became a gay mentor, one with whom I shared something in common, writing.

I first outed myself on the page and wrote short stories and bad poetry about being gay; I didn’t show these to anyone. Writing about my feelings helped me clarify my emotions and gain some perspective. It was also easier to have a fictional me confess his desire for straight male friends than to say it out loud and risk losing that friendship. I used my pen to recreate myself on paper before I attempted it in real life.

I came out to my ex-girlfriend, who admitted her own bisexuality. We developed a new friendship after our short affair—one where we could talk about boys and girls that we were interested in. Emboldened by her acceptance, I came out as bisexual to a few of my male friends simultaneously. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but they accepted my confession without a hint of surprise. Although our relationships were never the same we did remain friends until I left for college two years after graduation. I would discover years later that two of them had also struggled with their own sexuality, but did not admit it to themselves until well into college. They backed away from me for fear that my outspoken desires might spill over into their lives and tip the balance.

Finish reading "Sticks and Stones" in Lost Library: Gay Fiction Rediscovered